Peeing in a Bag

Posted on Thursday, April 12 2007

15 hours ago I had a hysterectomy. The Full Enchalada as I like to refer to it.

We got to the hospital, we being me, husband, mother, at 6:30 in the morning. I met a lovely lady named Rhonda who asked me to strip down to my sock and put on my gown. I requested a gown large enough to be comfortable. I have experience with these nice, but skinny people, who think one size fits all really means one size fits all…well it doesn’t. Rhonda accommodated my request with a smile on her face..the genuine kind. She was a wonderful help and kind hearted. I appreciate that in the medical arena.

I got into my plus size gown, and hopped onto the table. I was told a bunch of stuff, poked with an IV, and met the anesthesiologist who was also very nice. It was becoming obvious that I was not going to be treated like a slab of meat, or at least not to my face. They started to give me some juice and while I talked to my husband and mom I began to feel the effects. By the time I was aware of anything again, I was waking up from the surgery.

That kicks ass man. I mean, one minute you are wheeling down the hallway and the next minute it’s an hour and a half later, your reproductive organs are missing, your throat feels like a friggin’ truck drove over it, and it’s time to begin recovering. I felt like complete shite, as my British spouse would say. I was having a hard time breathing and swallowing and all that kind of important stuff, but they shoved some shaved ice in my mouth and pretty soon I was feeling better.

It was then time to get to the room. In this hospital all the rooms are private, which rocks. I mean, it’s sooooo much nicer to have a room to yourself. No roommate to listen to whine and moan or whatever they may be doing. I don’t do much whining and moaning, even with the worst of the pain. It just seems unproductive. I would rather gulp down some more morphine, get out my laptop and hope to ignore the hurt as much as possible while it just slowly goes away.

Did I say laptop? Well, yea!! It’s a wonderful thing, modern technology. My family helped me get set up with my cell phone charger, DS, laptop, and other goodies to make me more comfortable and keep my mind occupied. Right now I am watching The Wizard of OZ in a little window, while typing this article, checking my email and hoping for some Instant Messaging in a while with people too far away to come visit. Anyone who says they want to recover and get away from techno hoo-haa is crazy. It gives me a sense of normal and comfort and I can be productive instead of laying here being a sick person:)

Two of my best friends in my whole life came to see me. Kim made a long long long drive to spend the afternoon. She was a bit pissed off because I didn’t tell her my surgery was moved up from Friday to Wednesday, and yet she made time to come all the way and make me very very very happy. She’s a wonderful role model for recovering from all kinds of surgeries.

I even got up and walked already. Apparently their policy is to get you up and walking 8 hours after major surgery these days. I was terrified to be honest, but then I just did it with the help of another nice medical person. I was just gonna sit up on the edge of the bed, but I went for it and walked up the hall about 10 whole feet. This morning the cathator will come out so I will be getting up more to go pee and stuff. I like that idea. I will hopefully have a beautiful bowel movement later today and make everyone happy:)

Well, it’s about time for me to do the breathing thing. You know, that thing you suck air through to keep your lungs from getting yucky…fun.

“I welcome you most regally, but we’ve got to verify it legally”….off to the land of OZ. More later.

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