A Matter of Good Bye

FlowerIn a bar, in another life, you bought me a beer.

You smiled. I was hooked. Young. Full of life.

It wasn’t love. It was a bar, and a beer, and a smile. I wasn’t sure if it mattered.

Every time you called I answered the phone and the door with wide eyes and that ornery look you always said you were wanting to see.

It wasn’t love. It was a bar, and a beer, and a smile, and a call, and eyes wide open. Eyes wide open.

Years passed and with every call we had more time, and no time at all.

A hint of a thought of that smile filled many moments in between as our lives went on, over here and over there.

I found myself far away, you followed with a phone call, a knock on the door, and that smile.

You said you would call again, and you did, and you did, and you did.

Getting older.

With every blinking light on the answering machine I pressed play hoping to hear your voice, and I did.

We needed something one night long ago and found it in a bar with a beer and a smile. Did it matter?

That moment took on a life of its own and you kept it alive for many years. Alive.

Time and miles don’t exist when there are memories of a bar, a beer, that voice on the phone, your smile as I opened the door.

Time has passed, age has taught me that the life you breathed into my years, into who I am, is always with me. It feels like it matters.

Calls turn to text in these years as they pass, far from that night, that bar, that first beer.

Updates and memories typed with smiley faces and flickers of flirtation.

Older and wiser.

My life found someone along the way and it is love, not a beer in a bar.

Your life found someone along the way and it was love, not a beer in a bar.

Some others we met who’s smiles we can’t live without, who’s voices fill our hearts. We got lucky:)

I haven’t opened the door to that smile for many years, and now I never will again.

The phone won’t ring with the promise of that voice.

That bar, that beer, that smile, and now eyes full of tears, but just for a moment.

You lived and now you’re done. I am alive and you will always be a part of who I am.

It is a memory of something that wasn’t love. It was a bar, and a beer, and that smile, and it mattered.



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